Godly beliefs

This piece by Mercy Survivor Britt was originally published on her personal blog.  Britt writes with powerful honesty about her ongoing struggles and her time at Mercy Ministries.

I have to stop cleaning my room when I’m in shit moods.

So I may have stumbled across a small book that I made when I was in the ‘cult like’ residential rehab place back in ’06-07.  This book was called my “Godly Beliefs Booklet” and I was made to treat it like a newborn baby throughout my time in the program.  Constantly carrying it with me, reading it daily, reciting it in mirrors and forever adding and memorising its contents whenever I had a spare moment.

It seemed as though it was just their way of palming an ‘issued’ girl off and out of their faces.

Someone comes to staff in tears – “Go to your room and read your Godly beliefs”.

Have nothing to talk about in counseling – “Go sit in the garden and read your Godly beliefs”.

Didn’t do your work duties properly – “Find a Godly belief that tells you the right way to work”.

Having negative thoughts?  Past issues arising?  Medication not working?  Actually finally realise you’re not meant to be here and want to leave to find proper medical help?

“Go seek the Lord who will give you a Godly belief for your obvious UNgodly belief that is plaguing your mind right now, write it down and then recite it over and over again until your ears bleed, eyes water and you can’t think straight…then see how you feel”.

So reading over these now I somehow feel slightly sickened at the thoughts of what I remember and how I was made to feel.

Let me write out some of the “Old faithfuls”…

“God knew me before he formed me, he chose me to be his unique creation before he created the world.  I am a blessing to God and precious in his sight”

“My identity is not based on what others think of me but on who I am in Christ”

“The only person I need to please is God.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.  My best is good enough”

“The man God has chosen for me will see me as God sees me and treat me according to the principles of God’s word.  I choose to believe that God will place men in my life who I can trust”

“My past does not determine my future.  I am a new creation determined by God’s design”

So yes, as I said previously, I was made to read these to myself constantly, by myself, to staff, to the other girls, in front of mirrors, in counselling, in groups…anywhere really they felt the presence of God was.  And sometimes it honestly felt like there was an unspoken “Godly Belief” war going on between myself and the other girls.  It was almost like you had to have the ‘worst’ or ‘sickest’ sounding “Godly belief” and then months later you were miraculously healed and turned into the prodigy “Mercy Girl” put on the brochure high on the church book stand proclaiming your testimony.

Sick shit.

Written By Brittany

4 Comments on “Godly beliefs

  1. Kaydee

    January 3, 2013 at 2:27

    I’m confused, is she saying she doesn’t agree with the things she was made to put into the ‘Godly Beliefs’ book or the inappropriate way they were made to present the book and things written in it so often?

  2. Britt

    January 5, 2013 at 11:02

    Kaydee,
    I think when I wrote this I was referring to both those things.
    The inappropriate things that were put into the Godly beiefs booklet and how they were used in our daily activities..
    And the wrong way they were making us write in it and use it as our “crutch” so to speak.

    Yes, scriptures can be used in the healing process for ‘broken people’ but it can’t just be the only way. It also can’t just be used as a palming off tool (as i mentioned in the post) as the staff did at Mercy.

    Hope this answered your question?
    -britt

    • Kaydee

      January 8, 2013 at 12:54

      That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I’m actually really glad I came across a couple of sites like this and was able to read many blogs like your own. I was actually in the process of being ‘accepted’ into Mercy Ministries when I felt something holding me back, I just never knew what.
      Thank you for sharing your story and experience as I feel it may have saved me from a lot more damage than good. I no longer have to explain to leaders at my church, who were pushing my in the direction of MM, that I “just didn’t have a good feeling about it.” Your bold approach in letting the truth be told has possibly saved myself and many other girls from their inappropriate teachings.

  3. […] I remember the aftermath of one incident that should’ve been dealt with in a confined medical setting, but instead was dealt with via prayer and separation. 
 I was feeling quite high during the afternoon, and towards the early hours of the evening, things had escalated and I was literally climbing walls, dissociating and starting arguments.  The next parts of the event are a blur, I know I found myself outside up near the gates, in the veggie patch and in a laundry space. 
When a staff member was alerted to my behaviour I was taken into the office and made to recite my Godly Beliefs.  (Here’s a run down on what they are). […]

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