Broken chair

This piece by Mercy Survivor Chelsea was originally published on her personal blog, The Pink Propaganda, and can be viewed here.

Yesterday I sat too far back on my computer chair, and sideways and I fell right out of it, and backwards. It hurt and I laid there for like three minutes in pain and upset at myself for sitting the wrong way. I mean because that was my fault and I could have blamed the chair right? But it quite obviously wasn’t the chairs fault. It was mine, I was an idiot.

You see a lot of people who support Mercy like to think that those who speak out against Mercy sat in their chair the wrong way. That we’re angry at the chair when we should be angry at ourselves for sitting the wrong way and causing ourselves to essentially “fall backwards”. But in reality, our chairs were broken.

And there’s the people who think “It wasn’t the chairs fault or your fault, it just happens. People just fall backwards. You missed the chair because of an accident.”

Let me just make this clear and I will say it clearly and concisely. And I will repeat it 1,001 times if you need to hear it.

We didn’t do anything wrong to get treated like we did at Mercy Ministries. Our “bad experiences” are not just “hiccups” in the system. We will not and SHOULD NOT shut up just because you wish for other girls to become victims of Mercy Ministries. We are allowed and absolutely should be angry with Mercy Ministries and we shouldn’t be called “bitter and resentful” for it. They hurt us. They were a broken chair, we didn’t sit on them the wrong way.

So excuse me while I go be angry, or bitter or resentful, whatever the heck you want to call it. I’ll own it. It’s like asking you to go love the husband who used to domestically abuse you. Let’s make that clear. I don’t love Mercy, and I will never love them and if the opposite of that is what I am, then good.

I mean but is it to the point that my whole life revolves around making Mercy’s life hell? Meh… depends how much energy I have. LOL I could make their life much more hell if I had more energy, but you see I get to this point where I’m just like “they’ve hurt me enough already and they aren’t doing it again”.

I don’t live to make Mercy die. I am working on goals to starting working with ECPAT or a Without Borders group. I believe I will have to be off all my psychiatric drugs, so it will be a long time away. But it’s a long term goal of mine.

Written By Chelsea