Little did I know

Mercy Survivor Christan shares in retrospect of her trust and naivety and how she came to be at Mercy Ministries.  This piece was originally published on her personal blog and can be viewed at Pretty Pink Koolaid.

I was quite stoic and numb as the SUV pulled up to the small, brick home on Spell Street in late November of 2002.  The wooden sign that read “Mercy Ministries” was hanging on a black metal post and swayed in the chill of the late autumn wind.  At the ripe age of 21 I had quite the history of drug abuse, eating disorders and mental illness.  I wasn’t sure what lie ahead of me, but I was convinced it had to be better than anything I had left behind.

I walked with my head hung low through the heavily alarmed door of the house and was seated in a small, boxed waiting area.  Everything seemed so white…the floor, the chairs, the walls.  A few magazines that sang Mercy’s praises sat on a wooden table beside me.

I picked up a magazine and thumbed through while I was waiting.  Sure enough, the Christian singing group that introduced me to Mercy from was featured in a spread.

As I read, I thought back to the evening, at the impressionable age of 13, that I had attended a Point of Grace concert in my hometown of Springfield, IL.  I clearly remember the beautiful girl standing on stage during intermission.  She spoke so eloquently about how broken and depressed she had been in years prior.  Upon her open confession to the buzzing stadium, my ears perked up.  Earlier that year, as a freshman in high school, I had tried to take my own life to end the sadness that plagued my mind.

This unknown girl shared her darkest past with abandon, baring her feelings of hopelessness.  As I waited to hear how this girl, who reminded me of myself, ended up on stage with a talented singing group…she finally gave me the answer.  A place called Mercy Ministries had cured her.  At the young age of 13 I wondered if this place called Mercy could cure me, too.

Little did I know that 8 years later…I would find myself sitting in the waiting room of Mercy Ministries, awaiting my official admission.

Little did I know that the place I expected to bring me hope and freedom, would end up introducing me to a very dark and controlling side of Christianity.

Little did I know…that less than 3 years later, I would be that very same girl, sharing the stage with that SAME singing group, telling people that Mercy Ministries saved me too.

Little did I know.

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Written By Pretty Pink Koolaid