Without Mercy Ministries, I was “Without God”

This piece by Mercy Survivor Christan shares of how without the approval of Mercy Ministries, she was deemed abandoned by God.  This piece was originally published on her personal blog and can be viewed at Pretty Pink Koolaid.

Please hear me out.

It is not, in any way, easy speaking out against Mercy Ministries.

It is not enjoyable,

It is not fulfilling,

…and it is not without pain.

I was a Mercy Success Story for many years after my graduation.  I spoke in the US homes to girls in the program; I helped Nancy write for the Mercy Magazine, I shared my story at Girls of Grace Conferences, and more.  Nancy Alcorn went as far to have her staff call me and tell me I was her “favorite Mercy girl,” and ask my opinions on things like the Mercy website…all of which made me feel incredibly secure and loved.

I stayed in Nancy Alcorn’s/Mercy Ministries good graces until the summer of 2006 – that…is when things started to unravel.

I had been attending an Assembly of God church that was “Mercy approved” since my graduation date in 2003.  In the short time I had been attending, I was not only “adopted” by the Pastors as their daughter, but led Praise & Worship, wrote songs for the church, and (to Mercy’s great joy) was given a place of authority amongst their four walls.

Note: Being a Mercy Success Story gets you a lot of attention amongst pastors/ministers who desire to rise to “Christan Superstardom.”  

The Pastors at the church I was attending were more than willing to trampoline off of my relationship with Mercy Ministries in forming a connection with Nancy Alcorn, even bringing her to the church.  The Pastors of that church kept me even closer as their “daughter” as I developed connections with Joyce Meyer Ministries.  I was so focused on “living God’s plan for my life” that I failed to see I was a stepping stone in their journey of “Godly” fame and fortune.

As a part of the authority granted to me within the four walls of the church, I served as the Worship Leader and Youth Pastor…even starting a non-for-profit Worship organization of which the Director of the Monroe, LA Mercy Ministries home was on the board of.

My “downfall” in the eyes of the church (and Mercy Ministries, in my opinion) started when I chose to step down from being the church’s Worship Leader/Youth Pastor.

At the time I stepped down from my ministry position, I felt that God was “leading me to focus more on my music” – plus, I desperately needed a break from the ruthless schedule I was kept under day in and day out.  Not only was I working at the church, but also a restaurant to make ends meet…I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

After I was no longer on staff at the church, I started being treated differently.  Although I was supposed to be a “daughter” to the Pastors, they stopped making time to communicate with me – and I was no longer invited over to their house for dinner.

Mercy Ministries also started treating me differently.  Once I was away from the “spotlight” of ministry…phone messages went unreturned, emails were fewer and far between, and I was no longer invited as a guest to the Mercy facilities.

The period of complete alienation from Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries came months later, however, after I was instructed by the Pastors that I was no longer welcome in the church that had become my “home.”

Why was I excommunicated from the church?

Simple.

I had committed a grave sin by sleeping with my fiancé before we were married.

I had embarrassed the Pastors by sinning, and now…they wanted nothing to do with me.  I was no longer their “daughter” – but rather, in their eyes, someone who had a chance at “living a Godly life” and blew it.  To them, I had “turned away from God” by sinning…and in turn, those “Godly people” now had to turn away from me.

At the time I was excommunicated, the Pastors were certainly more intuitive than I…for they realized long before I did that Mercy Ministries would distance themselves from me due to this transgression.  I was completely and utterly convinced, however, that Mercy Ministries would still “love me unconditionally,” as they claimed they always would.  After all, I was their star.  I…was Nancy Alcorn’s favorite.

After being excommunicated from the church, I attempted to contact Mercy Ministries.  Up until that point, I had been told over

and over

and over

and over again that Mercy Ministries was my family now.  The Pastors at the church had told me over

and over

and over

and over again that they, too, were my family now.  Nancy Alcorn herself, while visiting the church, had held me tightly in her arms and said, “Christan, this is where you’re supposed to be trained up for Christ (at the church I was attending).  Follow the Pastors lead and you won’t go wrong.  They are your family.”

Yet Mercy Ministries remained silent during my recurring cries for acceptance and help.

While I begged for forgiveness, understanding and direction…they refused to answer my phone calls; and emails.

I was alone with no family to call upon, and the church and Mercy Ministries had turned their backs on me.

I had become a sinner, a horrible person, and unworthy of God’s grace.  I was completely and utterly destroyed.

Mercy Ministries and the church had told me for years that they had my best interest in mind, and I fully believed them.  It was so, very heavily engrained in my mind that they were God’s voice and direction in my life.  Not only had I spend 9 months at Mercy Ministries from 2002 – 2003, but I continued in their training after coming back home in order to “keep my healing” – as they had instructed.

If I started having doubts that there was another way to live life, separate from their teachings, or if I doubted the “revelation” of abuse that distanced me from my family…I would be instructed to listen to Nancy Alcorn’s preaching series.

I was also instructed, as were all Mercy Ministries graduates at the time, to continue reading Mercy’s “Godly Beliefs’ (that Mercy themselves had constructed) over myself daily, including Charles Capps “Speaking God’s Word” book.  I literally went to bed

night

after night

after night

for freaking YEARS

with Joyce Meyers or Nancy Alcorn’s preaching in my ears.  During my drives to work and back, I would listen to nothing but Praise and Worship music.  I tried so, so hard to stay in God’s will and to keep the “healing” I had received at Mercy Ministries.

In trying to follow Mercy Ministries instructions to “keep my healing”…I completely alienated myself from the outside world, as I was convinced the devil was lurking everything, waiting to get me.  For it was by following their instructions and living under their authority that I would remain “healed and set free.”

Now that the church and Mercy Ministries had cast me aside, what would happen to my healing?  What would happen to the “call of God” on my life?  If Mercy Ministries didn’t believe I was worthy…if in their eyes I had sinned to the point of no return….then certainly God thought that I had too.  After all, they were God’s authority over me; they were God’s voice to me.

Without Mercy Ministries and the church, I was without God.  And without God…I had nothing.  No hope, no future, no healing.

Nothing.

It was the beginning of a very, very dark time for me.  I plummeted to a level of darkness much deeper than anything I had experienced prior to entering the doors of Mercy Ministries.

Written By Pretty Pink Koolaid

7 Comments on “Without Mercy Ministries, I was “Without God”

  1. Witz

    November 9, 2013 at 5:53

    Or maybe yerrr just a slut

    • Mercy Survivors

      November 26, 2013 at 10:06

      Hi LJJoy, or Witz, or Lauren Joy with a fake email account hiding behind a computer calling others a name that doesn’t even fit the context of your attack.

      Think about what you’re saying when you’re calling another woman a name like that. Are you Christian? If so, I appeal to your Christian conscience. If you’re not a Christian, I must ask what business you have pursuing a program like Mercy Ministries, and instead appeal to normal human decency.

      Peace

      MS Team

    • Merry Merry

      January 12, 2016 at 12:09

      No sister, God has not abandoned you in your sin and do not listen to any lies that come from satan telling you that you are a slut or unworthy of God’s grace. Ministries are not perfect and nobody is perfect in this world. It is possible that these people abandoned you because they were afraid that your sin that wasn’t hidden would tarnish their credibility of God working through them, not that we should hide our sins, but we ALL have sins we struggle with. There are details that you did not reveal about the whole situation concerning the sin, however, since the sin was revealed then they probably expected proof of repentance which is very important in a relationship with God and His ministries. For instance, if you were having a live in relationship with your fiance’ and continued in that sin, then it is their Godly responsibility to tell you that your sinful choice is wrong and that you are welcomed back when you turn away from that sin OR better yet they should have counseled you through the choice to turn away from that sin and been praying with you and for you. But you never gave enough details concerning the sin to really know the whole story. We all have some kind of sinful struggles, if nowhere else, then in our thought life. But God does expect us to be accountable and to discipline each other with love and not being judgemental. So, for instance, if you had been living with your fiance’, and then after your sin was revealed you continued to live with your fiance’, then you were not living in repentance and therefore choosing to live in sin going backwards in your walk with Christ instead of trying to follow His direction for what is good and pure for your life and moving forward in your walk with Christ. Other young men and ladies in the church and ministry could be influenced by your sinful decision so what do you expect their position to be when you choose to stay in that sin? Could offer more help if there were more details but I hope this has shed some light on that unfortunate situation. Although Christ still loves us in our sin, and does not abandon us, he does expect accountability and does give discipline when we need it. Love you in the Lord sister.

  2. Laura

    December 12, 2013 at 9:04

    I really appreciate you writing this. I was kicked out in 2010, and I am still struggling to make sense. Thank you.

    • Mercy Survivors

      December 21, 2013 at 5:07

      Hi Laura.

      I’m so sorry you are still struggling with this 🙁

      If you would like some support, please do not hesitate to get in touch on Facebook or email (info [at] mercysurvivors [dot] com)

      Peace

      MS Team (Sarah)

  3. L

    November 3, 2015 at 2:34

    Man will always fail you keep your eyes on God and study his word you don’t need an institution to be a good Christian live in his grace and mercy each and every day ultimately you are responsible for your life not what other say or do to you matter to God it you your journey your walk with God my thoughts and prayers are with you because you are healed you will never lose your healing keep your eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ

  4. katniss

    November 3, 2015 at 3:56

    Focus on God.

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