Falling out of recovery after Mercy Ministries

This piece by Mercy Survivor Chelsea was originally published on her personal blog, The Pink Propaganda, and can be viewed here.

Macklemore wrote this song about his addiction and it reminded me of my time after Mercy Ministries.  He says in this song how he relapses and his first worst fear is admitting it to himself, and his second worst fear is admitting it to his family/friends.

He says that the whole world put him on a pedestal, used his success story for all these drug addicts and now he’s failing and it reminded me so much of Mercy Ministries’ women.  Mercy Ministries puts their stories out into the community and at some point these people feel they have to get over their addictions/eating disorders/etc for others.  But Macklemore doesn’t want to lie to his fans about where he’s at, he says.

But I’d rather live telling the truth and be judged for my mistakes
Than falsely held up, given props, loved and praised.

He talks about how worried he is that people will call him or his story a lie.  Or that people will abandon him, but comes to the conclusion that nobody will leave.  Or at least nobody that will matter.

I translated this slightly.  From rap to English.  🙂

Those 3 plus years, I was so proud of
And I threw them all away for two Styrofoam cups
The irony, everyone will think that he lied to me
Made my sobriety so public, there’s no privacy
If I don’t talk about it then they think I carry a sobriety date
08-10-08, but now it’s been changed

Everybody wants to put me in some box as a saint that I never was,
It’s like the false prophet that never came
And will they think that everything that I’ve written has all been fake?
Or will I just take this slip up to the grave?

Uh, what  are my parents gonna say?
The success story that got his life together and changed?
And you know what pain looks like
When you tell your dad you relapsed and look him directly into his face
The seat on your shoulder’s, the seemingly heavy weight

Haven’t seen tears like this on my girlfriend
The trust that I once built’s has been betrayed
But I’d rather live telling the truth and be judged for my mistakes
Than falsely held up, given props, loved and praised. 
I guess I have to get this on the page

Feeling sick and helpless, I lost myself
I know what I have to do and I can’t help it
One day at a time is what they tell us
Now I have to find a way to tell them

God help them
Yeah, one day at a time is what they tell us
Now I have to find a way to tell them

We fall so hard
Now we have to get back what we lost
I thought you would leave
But you were with me all along.

 Click here to listen.  There’s strong language.  It is a rap.  I removed the strong language for my page.

Written By Chelsea