This piece by Mercy Survivor Christan was originally published on her personal blog, Pretty Pink Koolaid, and can be viewed here.

Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible!

Go forward? Only thing to do!

On we go!”

So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him

and one hand feeling the wall,

and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.

~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I have struggled for a great while with the balance of fighting injustice while not letting the anger of injustice overtake the joys of my life today.

You know my story, you know of my heartache – and the decade long struggle since graduating from Mercy Ministries in 2003 to rid myself of the fear and mind control that overtook my life.

I have found that I am being pulled in two directions.  My heart aches for the young women who will never be the same after walking through the doors of Mercy Ministries – and I’m nearly broken for the parents who have lost their daughters due to the false memory therapy and lies of the Mercy Ministries program.  My heart, however, is also pulled toward my day to day life: my incredible and patient husband, and my precious, sweet children who amaze me every single day.

I’ve come to realize that though many may be able to balance the heartache of injustice and the joys of a healthy, vibrant life – I cannot do so well.  Due to my experience at Mercy Ministries and the impact it had on myself and my family…to continue fighting the injustice that has taken place over the last 30 years (and that is still happening at MMOA) means that strong, negative emotions consistently interfere with the memories I’m making with my family today.  These emotions prevent me from being 100% present in my life and the life of my family.

I’m at a point where I’ve said all that I am capable of in my 100+ posts on this very blog.  I hope this has served to help both Mercy Survivors and parents of missing Mercy Ministries’ daughters to know that you’re not alone…and that there IS hope.

I will continue to fund the domain for prettypinkkoolaid.com so that others may read about my experience and educate themselves on the dangers of Mercy Ministries of America.  I will not, however, be posting any further thoughts or updating my website from here on out.  The same goes for my Twitter account that’s been used to reach out and gain support for Mercy Ministries Survivors (ppinkkoolaid).

It is my hope that other Mercy Ministries Survivors will learn they have a voice, and that it’s okay to speak out regarding injustice.  As for myself, I am now making the conscious decision to put 100% of my emotions and efforts toward my future and the future of my family.

Thank you for being supportive of my journey.

I love you all.



Written By Pretty Pink Koolaid