Fuck up

This piece by Mercy Survivor Kathryn was originally published on her personal blog, Comfortably Numb, and can be viewed here.

yeah, i fucked it up
so? what else is new?
i fuck up everything i try
fucking up is what i do
everyone was praying
asking God to help somehow
but i still fucked up, i still got kicked out
even God doesn’t want me now
He doesn’t want me to be happy
He doesn’t care that i cry
He doesn’t want me to get through this
He won’t care when i die
You might think that’s extreme
that i should still hang on
but i’ve been holding on for much too long
i just can’t be that strong
i’ve been digging and digging a hole
it just gets more and more deep
finally they’ve covered the top
and left me in here to weep
but weeping, i won’t do
i won’t let them be satisfied
i’ll sit by myself in that deep dark hole
till i’ve wasted away and died
maybe then they’ll be happy
that they sent me home
that they pointed me to suicide
and caused me to write this poem
i hope that makes them happy
i hope from this they learn
that when you’re not helped up to heaven
you’re left in hell to burn

 

Mercy Ministries

This piece by Mercy Survivor Kathryn was originally published on her personal blog, Comfortably Numb, and can be viewed here.

finish the program?
no! of course not!!
that’s too much for me
that’s asking a lot
that’s not the way things work for me
there’s not gonna be an end
i can’t make it that far through
i’m never going to mend
i’m never going to feel content
these eyes will always cry
i’ll never feel that sense of peace
i’ll always want to die
forever and always i’ll wait
for something that’s not there
for something that’ll never come
it all seems so unfair
all i want’s a reason
a purpose for all this pain
something that makes it all worthwhile
like the sunshine after the rain
but i don’t think anything’s there
i don’t believe it’ll ever come
so i’m left without a hope
a pile of pills and a micky of rhum

 

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